Burned-out, but still going

[Disclaimer: Incoherent Random Flow of Thoughts]

I’m going through a period where I want to give up what I love doing, coaching, because I am completely burned-out.

The top two teams gained automatic promotion, but because of results in the promotion-relegation playoff between teams in the Kanto 2nd Division and Tokyo 1st Division, the team in 3rd place of our league also gained promotion. Despite ending the season with momentum, it was too little too late as we missed out on promotion by 1 point in the league. Absolutely devastating.

With the disappointed of the regular season fresh on players’ minds, we had a 1 month break from official matches to prepare for our newcomers tournament.

It was during this 1 month period where players started skipping practice, slacking off at practice, giving attitude, complaining…

 

I hate not being able to dedicate myself 100% to anything that matters to me, especially soccer. I devoted my heart and soul for soccer while I played, about 18 years. For the next 7 years, I have just been an admirer. For the past 6 months, I have been struggling to give 100% of my energy to the soccer team I am coaching.

I use more brainpower in one practice session, one match than in a whole day at work. Consistently searching for ways to improve players, looking for areas where players have grown, contemplating ways to further develop my own coaching techniques and philosophies, keeping less-talented players happy even though they don’t play in matches, keeping talented players motivated.

Come Monday morning, it feels like mid-week. I drag my ass out of bed and get ready for work. I then proceed to zombie-walk to the train station, get on the crowded commuter train with the thousands of other zombies. By the time I get to work, I my tank is on empty.

Why am I running myself into the ground?

When I first started coaching, it was for love of the game.
A few months after, it was to make a difference in my players’ lives.
Now, ???

Things I do know: I hate losing. I am extremely exhausted.

With soccer, I work 80 hours a week, 7 days a week.

I need, no, I want a break.

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